How to Describe Vietnamese Love Relationships | LoveToKnow
I would like to start by saying that I love Vietnam and the people, I have many good VIetnamese friends. I would just like to share my experience. I was wondering what the dating culture in Vietnam amongst the youth is especially in Europe or US, tend to push marriage off much later. This woman interviewed for an article on love and marriage among the Vietnamese living in the United States, and the marriage she was arranging for her.
Mr Hung recommended they divorce and remarry their new spouses, however. Dating Vietnamese Girls In the U. In Vietnam girls are often carefully chaperoned. It is important for women to be virgins on their wedding night.
Dating & Marriage in Vietnam - Tour Guide Hanoi
By contrast many men have had sex with prostitutes before marriage. One blogger wrote on xuvn. In Vietnam, dating is considered an adolescent issue. Traditionally, Vietnamese males and females are not allowed to date. Women of Vietnam are ordinarily non-assertive and are raised to be quiet and dainty.
They simply grew up in their family until age 18 to Youths who have affections for one another may carry their relationship in secrecy, but eventually, and dutifully, yield to their parents' wills. Dating is believed to undermine traditions, encouraging sons and daughters to defy their parents' wishes and thus bringing shame to their family.
Public displays of affection by couples, including holding hands, touching, kissing, are still considered impolite and must be done privately. His date does not. By accepting his gifts and flowers, she is officially accepting his love.
But however deep her love, she is expected to remain a virgin until they are married. Females in Vietnam are more withdrawn and shy and usually do not make the first move in starting a relationship. If a young man finds someone he likes, he must formally introduce himself to her family and seek their approval before he can date her.
This usually requires him to meet with her parents and family members in their house several times. After several regular visits, when he has gotten to know her family, he may finally ask her parents for permission to date her.
As ofmany of these traditions of dating etiquette are still practiced but expectations vary from family to family due to changes in the country. Expressing proper etiquette when trying to date in Vietnam is necessary to avoid offending the family of the person you are courting.
Let your intentions be known by asking her for the chance to meet her parents.
Gaining their permission to date their daughter is a traditional and respectful way of getting a Vietnamese girl to date you. Take your time, and bring gifts of wine or flowers to the girl's family to further gain their acceptance, as it is customary for a man to participate in activities with the parents multiple times before asking the woman out on an official date.
Dating a Vietnamese man requires patience, virtue and class. Initiating a date as a woman is often frowned upon in Vietnamese culture, and therefore the proper etiquette would be to wait for the man to approach you.
Coming on to a man is a sign of an "easy" woman in this Asian tradition and speaking loudly is also looked down upon. Taking a Vietnamese woman to a movie on a first date is traditionally unacceptable and is a cultural sign of an immoral woman. A traditional first date of a walk in a park or cup of coffee is a low-key and respectful way of initiating a relationship in Vietnam.
Keep the first date at a platonic level, because the first date in Vietnamese culture is often a date accompanied by mutual friends. Avoid initiating physical contact whether you are a man or a woman, because Vietnamese culture looks down on premarital affection and public displays of affection.
Playing hard-to-get is a tradition of Vietnamese women, and it is expected they do not show immediate interest in the man they are dating, to assure that his feelings are moral. Asking permission in addition to presenting a gift to her parents is necessary to continue the relationship in Asian culture. Avoiding the girl's parents is considered a great act of disrespect and can result in losing a relationship.
Arranged marriage is rarely practiced in modern Vietnam as ofbut it is still a tradition in some families. Waiting too long to express your intentions, as a man, can result in missing out in this type of situation. Vietnamese women are expected to remain silent when it comes to arranging a marriage between her suitor and herself, whether it is a prearranged marriage or a result of a mutual courtship.
Vietnamese relationships pass in several stages, usually lasting for a long period of time. An engagement, for example, often lasts for several years and as far as marriage is concerned, it is viewed as a lifetime commitment. Often the starting point of a relationship is a friendly date. The couple will go out together in public places as friends only and will be accompanied by other friends.
During this stage of courting there will be no public displays of affection, the man has to be discreet and friendly or he will be accused of being too arrogant. It is too early for kissing or holding hands at this point. That is the second stage of Vietnamese courtship and now couples may go out together without the company of their friends. Again, the keyword here is "discreetly". A Vietnamese girl never shows her admirer that she is also in love with him immediately. Playing hard to get is one way by which the Asian can measure the sincerity of the man interested in her.
It also lets her show the man that he has to work hard to win her love. At this time they will inform their family and friends about their relationship. Every man who wants to be taken seriously by a Asian is obliged to visit her family and introduce himself formally to her parents. There is a tacit rule here that says: Following this rule will help you earn her respect by entrusting her family with high regard.
MARRIAGE, DATING AND WEDDINGS IN VIETNAM | Facts and Details
If you have any questions regarding which traditions you should observe, you may discuss them with the older siblings.
More about this tradition and those following it you can find in our article "Vietnamese Wedding Customs". When courting a Vietnamese woman you will find that she is shy and reserved even when holding great feelings for you. This is a part of her culture and even for a Western man there is no way around that. You should treat your Asian with respect, lead the courtship with your heart and you may find a lifetime partner that will enrich your life as you have never imagined.
Asian women live in a culture focused on the community, with the family as the core social unit. Here faithfulness to the family is a tradition. If a man wants to be taken seriously by a woman, he has to visit the latter's family and introduce himself formally to the parents of the girl. It is rather inappropriate to court a woman and formalize the relationship without informing the parents of the girl.
Their desire is to make their parents' life easier. If you are capable and refuse to help support her family who may need help, she may not say anything, but she will neither respect you nor understand. Sometimes the family is more important than you. There is an Asia saying, that is accepted in Vietnam, "You can get another wife or husband but not another mother or father".
This family loyalty is also apparent in the fact that Vietnamese families keep elderly such as grandparents instead of sending them to any institution. They are so by choice and because of their cultural needs.
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When you marry one you marry the family at least the mother and the father, the siblings too usually. That is trite, indeed, but true. If you can't deal with that let it be known from the start of your relationship with your Asian. If she is a "true Asian", the relationship may not develop. If it does she may not be happy in it, but you will never know.
Sexuality in Vietnam is distinguished by a double standard that expects women to remain virgins until marriage while men are allowed to enjoy sexual freedom. Young women who lose their virginity before marriage, whether through rape or in a relationship, diminish their chances for a "good" marriage, while young men can "sow wild oats" with abandon and be even admired for being so "manly".
The culture and the family lets the girl know it is her responsibility to keep her virginity as soon as they are old enough to understand what virginity is. Vietnamese men are reluctant to marry a non-virgin even if they are the one who took the virginity!
Vietnamese woman may not even be forgiven if she is raped. Yes, this is extremely unfair but that is the way it is and the Asian girls know it. As far as courting is concerned, Asians are expected to be pakipot playing hard to get because it is seen as an appropriate behavior in a courtship dance. It is also one way by which the Asian will be able to measure the sincerity of her admirer. Unlike women, young men, on the other hand, are allowed to express their sexuality freely, and are sometimes initiated by fathers who take their sons to brothels for sexual intercourse with women.
Traditionally, in Asian families the husband is expected to be the main breadwinner, chiefly responsible for the financial sustenance of the family, and the wife is "queen of the home".
Vietnamese ladies equate domestic responsibility with being a good wife. They put their family first and they are more willing to sacrifice their career than their family. The information one can gather about the beliefs and practices of young people regarding premarital relations and the role of sexuality are quite contradictory and are evidence that sex research is still underdeveloped in Vietnam.
For example, the Departments of Psychology and Sociology of Hanoi University conducted research in on the sexual relations of university and high school students in Hanoi Hoang Ba Thinh Yet, after graduating, only 8. Among those female students who had boyfriends, it was quite common for them to live together in the dormitories. A socially more acceptable figure was that only Young couples in Hanoi, even married couples, face great difficulty in finding a place for private encounters.
Everyday, the man goes to work early, while his partner spends most of her time on housework. The couple from northern Thai Binh province is trying to save money to buy a small flat.
I can take care of him better, while he can spend more time on work. Moreover, we will get married sooner or later," said Linh who has fine features and brown complexion of a traditional eastern woman. We were afraid of being teased by neighbors and friends. But, now I think there is nothing wrong with it," she said.
They often rent cramped houses or deteriorated flats near universities and factories in Hanoi for life. Grammar makes clear how important marriage is in Vietnamese society. Proschan provides this example: Up to and through the French Colonial period, Vietnamese women were not regarded as nubile until about their 16th or 17th year. However, according to the Ly-Ky "The Book of Rites"girls might marry after 14 years and men at Any marriages prior to those ages were not accepted. In fact, many Vietnamese men believed that women were perfectly satisfied with something like a companionate marriage, which involved sufficient ardor to produce offspring, but was not complicated by passionate desire.
A hundred years earlier, Jacobus X. Marriage is for the Annamite a question of business and the procreation of descendants, rather than of sentimental love. On her side, the woman has not generally a very great affection for her husband, but concentrates all her love on her children. When polygyny lost its legal sanction, it nevertheless continued outside the law, and women in polygynous relationships lost the protections and rights that the older legal codes had afforded their predecessors - i.
Indications are that extramarital heterosexual relations were frequent enough among married men that most people - male or female - assumed that they were the norm. There were numerous available partners - female or male - for men whose wives "fail[ed] to provide proper attention and stimulation" Khuat Thu Hongas one researcher characterized the common rationale.
Minh came to Vietnam with his family for the Tet lunar new year holiday and spent a number of days visiting Lua, said the police officer, who declined to be named.
His family stayed in their province of origin, 50 kilometers north of Ho Chi Minh city, but went to the city in the last week of January to tell their son to end the relationship. The man disobeyed his parents, and the two lovers drank a fatal dose of herbicide on Saturday afternoon and died two hours later in hospital. Current wedding ceremony procedures are simpler, consisting primary of the marriage registration, pre-ceremony events, the wedding and the wedding party.
Even though most Vietnamese are Buddhist to varying degrees they often don Western-style wedding clothes for their marriage ceremony, which itself is not religious. Local Communist officials often wish the couple congratulations after the ceremony is over. The wedding is usually held on a day deemed auspicious for the couple by a fortuneteller. The wedding ceremony can take place in either the home of the bride or the groom or of relatives. It consists mainly of pledges by the couple.
Often the go-between acts as the officiating personality. Sometimes, scripture reading by a monk is included. During the ceremony elder married relatives may pour holy water over the hands of the couple, signifying that part of the virtue of Buddha is granted them.
The Le an hoi is held some time before the wedding: Both families agree to pick a good day for wedding. The couples kneels before the altar while candles are lit. They also kneel before parents and grandparents who give them red envelopes filled with cash. But later she did the exact same thing, she left the door open whilst cooking again, and I told her what she did an apparently it was ok for her to do it.
The next day we went to buy plane tickets to go to Cambodia as we discussed going there before. After a few minutes she said ok lets go back and buy the tickets.
A lot of her family is in Cambodia, mother, step father, brothers and daughter. A daughter she did not tell me about whilst I was in the UK. She was talking on a video call with her mother and saw the 3 piece traditional Vietnamese marriage jewelry and her mother said she liked her gold bracelet and wants one. So we bought one. So my first day in Cambodia she goes off with her brother and daughter and leave me to wait without even telling me.
I was still just trying to focus on her nice side and the fun and bubbly girl. The girl who was working behind the counter, here need go home soon! But whenever I question her it turns into a big argument. When we were not with the family and just alone she seemed more interested in playing games on the ipad that I bought her instead of doing something together.
I bought a ticket to go back in September, trying to ignore those things that she done Cognitive dissonance? Whilst in Vietnam her brother and his with came to stay and asked if we want to go the sister in laws parents house that was near the beach.
After getting to the in-laws house they she said she wants to take them all to VinPearl theme park. I also had to pay for the car there and back. During the time at the theme park she we were near the aquarium they were talking about the fish and I made a comment and she completely ignored me and continued talking with her brother, I said a few time but she took no notice of what I said, she does this frequently when talking to family member and other Vietnamese and Cambodian people, making me feel low priority.
So your not happy with just me here with you? We had a long time with your family. I am still trying hard to focus on her good side, and with that in mind and trying to give the relationship a go thinking if I put more effort in it will be worth it, I decided to get a job in Vietnam. I returned to the UK gave up my stable job and went to Vietnam to work, provide for her.
MARRIAGE, DATING AND WEDDINGS IN VIETNAM
I thought there was something worth salvaging from this plane crash of a relationship, so I gave my best effort. I wanted to live her for an extended period of time. I went there in October started work, paying the bills, rent, electric, TV, wifi, water as I should, I was happy to do it.
I thought it quite odd as she lived with 2 of her cousins and they did not contribute to any of the utility bills. A rather large disagreement broke out when I wanted to p0ay the rent myself.
She was intent on giving her cousin the rent money to go to the bank to send to the landlord and went absolutely ballistic when I said I wanted to do it myself.
Vietnamese Dating Etiquette
She did not respect the way I wanted to do it and again I gave in to her. I spoke to her again and said next time rent needs to be paid I want to do and she agreed. When it came to the end of the month we were at the mall it was a day before to pay the rent again, she got a call from her cousin and said she is going to Singapore the next day and after the call I said to her that you remember you agreed that I pay the rent, she suddenly changed got angry and shouted at me in the mall.
I started to get suspicious as why she did not want me to pay it. I was thinking was she secretly sending money back to Cambodia to her family. If she wanted to do it she should have consulted with me. I really had no problem with providing for her and helping her family, buying her things but what made me upset was her attitude towards me. Her hostility and how she reacted when on a rare occasion I wanted to buy something for my family or myself. When you have money you can pay for someone to do my application quickly!